Crystalline Tears Drop
by littletrowa
Summary: There's something wrong with Trowa and he won't let anyone find out, even if the risk means taking his own life. To keep his friends from being hurt, Trowa agrees to do anything the anti-OZ demand and in the process meets up with an old enemy.
1. Default Chapter

**_By the Author: Little Trowa-san_**___  
**Fandom:** Gundam Wing  
P**airings:** None stated. You find out! Trowa obviously.  
**Comments:** *Unfinished* Centers mainly around Trowa and the unusual things that have been happening to him that no one knows about at first, except maybe a curious Shinigami pilot. ^_^;;  
**Warnings:** There is just a little bloody stuff. Nothing explicit. Starting to become an epic/novella._  


**Crystalline Tears Drop****  
Part One  
**

  
**T**hose rattling noise were starting to get louder and this time Trowa jerked his head up in bed. The moonlight poured out into the tiny room across his bunk, placing stripes of blue light across the navy sheets and illuminating the sweat that was running down his forehead.  
  
That pounding wouldn't stop.  
Echoing those words. Those last words.  
Trowa closed his eyes. He had to get this out of his mind, he had to escape it.  
  
Standing up Trowa searched for the door within the dark shadows. A blast of cold air swept over his face and body and he stepped into the cold night.  
  
He moved across the porch staring out ahead of him, blankly. He plodded down the silent sleeping streets. His feet seemed to pull him along, as if he could no longer control his own actions.  
  
The wind picked up and drifted through his chocolate hair, brushing it away from the side of his face momentarily. A nearby, deserted park called to him.  
  
That pounding noise...  
  
His eyes fixated on the street lamps, glowing in the semi-darkness. His feet pulled him ahead, towards a long iron bench sitting amongst a patch of park trees and shrubs. His feet pulled him quickly. Further... further...  
  
Before Trowa could decipher the atmosphere he sat on the bench, a strong pain suddenly pressing at his ribs. Trowa gasped, bending over, grabbing his side. His stomach lurched as he stared teary eyed below him. The sharp pain spat at his heart, and a mass of blood felt its way to his mouth. Gasping for a breath of impossible air, another trickle of the blood dripped down Trowa's now trembling mouth, onto the puddle of crimson below him. His eyes widened, and he wiped at his mouth with his free arm, staining the blood across his gray sleeve. His eyes were half lidded, as he sat back uneasily into the cold iron rails of the bench. Breathing heavily he tried to sound out the words. Those last words that pounded in his head like a tainted heartbeat.  
  
The pain crept up into his throat as he let out a tiny whimper. It hurt now, it hurt so much. He wrapped his arms around his stomach, holding himself as the encroaching fear hit him once again.   
  
[[ _I'm not gonna let you go that easy kid!' the deep voice echoed, letting out another punch low to his stomach. Blood trickled down his face, thick blood. In the background Duo Maxwell shouted.   
  
God Dammit Trowa!! How could you do this to me! Do this to us!?' His eyes were dark and distant, his arms bound up behind his head. Behind him were the dark faces of Quatre, Heero, and Wufei who stared at him like death himself breathing that icy breath down his neck.  
  
I did what you said. So let them go.' he said his voice mangled from strangling.   
  
They'll come for you in time and when they do, I hope they rip your icy heart out by the roots!' the deep voice laughed long and hard.   
  
Trowa was then slammed against the wall by the dark man.  
  
Kill me then and let them go.' he calmly stated, though in full effort.  
  
They were going to kill you anyway.'_ ]]_   
  
_A bright flash flooded Trowa's eyes, as everything started to fade. Those glaring faces and those looks. His vision taken over by a dark red covering his face like an iron blanket of crimson.  
  
Trowa's eyes flashed painfully open. Why these thoughts? Was there no escape for him? Once he gained back his senses he had always thought there had to be a way, but through the silent night there was no way. He was trapped.   
  
a quiet far away voice seemed to whisper in his ear. Trowa? Where are you? it said echoing back to him. A pain stirred inside him. The pain strained his face, pulsating in his eyes. He began to involuntarily shake.  
  
No... no... please... he said his eyes watering and the moisture trickled down his quivering chin. he repeated reaching out his hands to catch nothing, falling to his knees which were instantly stained with his blood.  
  
That pounding grew louder, the voice closer.  
  
Trowa? Trowa? What's wrong? What are you doing? the voice repeated. There was such sweet innocence in the sound of the voice.  
  
Trowa stopped gasping and looked ahead of him then back down to his hands. He started to tremble terribly, and his lips could barely move to form words. The pain inside was great but he wouldn't let out a cry, he just couldn't ever. That sound, those voices, those very words coursed their way through his mind again.   
  
Those last words...   
He had to get them out of his mind, he'd do anything for that.  
  
a voice whispered, concern in the tone. Trowa tore his eyes away from his vermilion hands to the revenant form ahead of him. He froze. Duo Maxwell stood ahead of him, eyes wide as boulders.  
  
Trowa? Are you okay? he stepped forward carefully.  
  
Trowa jolted his body back. Duo warily stopped in place.  
  
Ara... I don't suppose I can possibly help you...   
  
Trowa looked strangely at Duo. Had he been following him? He stood, backing into the bench, then struggled to keep that defensive look as he walked behind it.   
  
Duo stared out at him, his eyes trying to calm down and not be so wide, but what he had just seen, he had to admit, scared the living daylights out of him. He let in a slow breath, watching Trowa's movements.   
  
Trowa... it's okay. Let's just... um... I won't hurt you. Duo said nervousness edging in his voice. He knew that Trowa didn't trust him very well. And he knew that he was uneasy. Maybe the best thing to do would be to leave, but somehow deep inside he knew he just couldn't do that.  
  
Trowa's eyes pierced directly through Duo, that fear creeping up inside him, every time Duo got closer. His heart was pounding in his ears. He knew Duo had seen him, but for how long was the question.   
  
Duo edged closer, step by step. And with each step Trowa worried more. Trowa's eyes darkened to a look Duo was sure he had never seen before. A look that nearly burned through the green-eyed pilot's mask, but Duo was unsure. He didn't quite understand.   
  
Leave me alone, Trowa's raspy voice sounded out. Duo lifted up his arms, in defense.  
  
Oi, I didn't do anything! I just wanted to ask what was wrong. It's not like you to be... to be just spitting out blood all over the place like this, you know? he gave a small convincing grin, but Trowa didn't take it.   
  
Duo barely believed it himself. Trowa stood hunched over abnormally, his hair crossing over his right eye.   
  
Leave. Me. Alone. His statement sat the same, and Duo prodded on.   
  
What were... why were... how...? His curiosity was overwhelming but he knew Trowa wasn't the person to get stirred up, or was he?  
  
Trowa cleared his musty throat, staring ahead of him, with an angered look.   
  
Why are you even out here? Don't you have any idea what time of day it is? Duo muffled, and turned his wrist. It's nearly three in the morning! He stared down at Trowa, mimicking his harsh look, as if it all was a game.  
  
Trowa backed away, his feelings overwhelming and demeaning somehow. Duo didn't understand and he never would. This wasn't under his control. And by no means did he want it that way. If he could escape he would have long ago. That's why Trowa was where he stood.  
  
Then why are you here? Trowa turned the question around.  
  
Duo opened his mouth halfway to reply, but when he realized the reason, he closed his mouth again.   
  
Trowa stared at him with empty, distant eyes.   
  
I... well... I came out... anou... he shook his head looking at his feet. The truth is I came in a little late. Like, well I never came in... and so therefore... he paused, I got locked out.  
  
Trowa had no expression.   
  
It's not hard to meet the time. They lock the dorm doors at midnight.  
  
Duo nodded casually, not the least bit humiliated. Or if he was he was doing a damn good job hiding it.  
  
Yeah, well I had stuff to deal with so I didn't get in on time. I only missed it by a few hours. Besides, OZ soldiers were surrounding me around 2:30. If I had run out I would have been caught for sure.   
  
Trowa sighed, in realization. I thought you stopped that. Your secret   
  
Well maybe. And then again maybe not. Anyway, this isn't about me! This is about you and you know that!  
  
Trowa watched him, silent, before starting.  
  
I came for a breath of air, and turned out to be sitting in the park. He paused and looked past Duo's eyes. So distant.   
  
Duo just shrugged.   
  
I guess. Though, its not like you told me the whole story or anything.  
  
Duo didn't like the distant looks that Trowa was holding so well. They made him nervous, well almost. Duo decided for one last plea, of course knowing this wouldn't really be his last.   
  
Hey, come on Trowa-san! You just need to lighten up and come back to the dorms with me. I didn't mean any harm if you think I did, really! He gave a failed sigh. We can just go back to the school, and get some shut eye. Maybe things will be better in the morning, don'tcha think?   
  
Trowa's eyes continued to bore holes through Duo, and he moved back a little bit more.   
  
No. No, that's all right Duo, I think I'll be going for a walk...  
  
Duo looked worried for a moment, but quickly stashed it away beneath him. He felt bad for Trowa, he knew he could admit it now. He wanted Trowa to confide in him perhaps, there was obviously something the matter.  
  
Wait! Can't we talk about it?   
  
Trowa quickly shook his head, his eyes stern.   
  
Come on, your beginning to remind me of Heero!   
  
Trowa just looked at him, expressionless.   
  
Well you could at least tell me why...  
  
Tell you why...? Trowa said, his voice soft.   
  
Why you were calling out. Please, I know something is clearly hurting you, and I'm sorry if your mad at me... I was only trying to help... Duo watched his eyes, feeling useless.  
  
I understand that. But, I don't need your help, okay? Trowa said and Duo turned away.   
  
/Nobody does./ Duo thought.  
  
More confused than before, Duo started walking back towards the school, he realized that even if Trowa had agreed to come back in with him, they couldn't because it was too late. They were both locked out.   
  
Duo gave a sigh and considered his options. He really didn't feel like sleeping on a bench tonight, but the damp ground was the only alternative. Duo shuffled his feet over towards the bench that had stood between them only moments before. Duo slammed onto the cold bench. He stared ahead, his violet eyes bright with worry. How could he sleep now? Of course he thought of Trowa.   
  
What would he be doing out this late? Why wouldn't he talk to him? Sure he wasn't the kind of guy who'd pour out his troubles to you, but Duo felt a wandering urge to help. Shivers fell up and down his back and out across his arms. Goose bumps spread all over his body and he pulled his legs up to his stomach, trying to stop shivering. He didn't understand Trowa. He knew no one understood him, but he wanted to. If only he could get him to open up... maybe he could help. He wanted to help. Duo sighed clutching his frigid hands across his own lonesome shoulders. Useless attempts.  


***  


  
Trowa wandered away; from those eyes that had stared into his own. Those eyes of sweet innocence. He wanted so much to let it escape his lips... but somehow he couldn't.  
  
The pounding... it was heavy, fierce, and constant, but not a rhythm. He was so used to it by now, that he didn't even cringe at every possible pound that was trapped inside his mind. Trowa's face was pale as he stopped under a bright yellow street lamp, staring up at it, his deep green eyes were a swimming ocean of feelings, hidden so well, among the world.   
  
The wind blew, sending out a fierce gust, his hair covering his left eye. He wanted to hide and escape. Why did they have to use him? Those last words washed over him slowly, picking at his memory. His eyes narrowed, the sound piercing through him... though they were gentle words. He could hear heavy footsteps from behind him. Thrusting his body around he saw nothing but rain splatter below his feet. He turned his eyes to the dark starlit sky. Another splatter of rain fell, hitting him between the eyes, then another, hitting his cheek. Rain soon fell steadily all around him, his hair blinding him with the dripping wetness, all over his face. Wiping the now useless hair behind his head he stared down at the wet stone below him.   
  
It was too late, and Duo had seen too much. He should have been more careful. He couldn't just stand around now, he had to get going. He then passed a meaningless look, as empty as his feelings would allow to be shown, and turned, walking down the silent street.


	2. Part Two

**_Title: _**___Crystalline Tears Drop __by Little Trowa-san ^.^  
**Part****:** 2/3**  
Fandom:** Gundam Wing   
P**airings:** None   
**Comments:**This part goes into a little more detail on what is happening to Trowa. This is a shorter, gruesome chapter.   
**Warnings:** Ouch! How can he do that? More blood, fallen angst.   
_

**  
  
Part Two**  


  
**D**uo! Get up! Its late! Duo's world came in slowly, and as the blurriness slowly cleared, the pain took its place, creeping slowly up, until it sat in the pit of his head. Then he could feel it all over. His back was cramped, his legs strained. He tried pulling himself out of the cramped position, but his legs barely budged.  
  
Wha... what time is it? he said making out what seemed a Quatre-formed boy, looking over him.   
  
You slept out on the bench again, Duo... it's 12 am, he thrust a hand on the braided boy.   
  
My body... ow... Duo could only manage to say.  
  
Quatre shook his head.  
  
Well of course your gonna feel like that if you slept on a hard bench all through the night!  
  
Duo gave a groggy sigh and tried to stretch his body, though he didn't even have energy for that.  
  
Why're you in the park? Quatre asked, again picking up Duo's soggy braid.  
  
Duo shook his head.  
  
Ahhh, I don't remember... I... Trowa!!! Duo gasped sitting up too fast and hitting his elbow on the iron.   
  
Duo, hold on. Calm down! Where is Trowa? I haven't seen him. He never came in last night.  
  
Duo nodded.  
  
I... I saw him, last night. He was in the park, but he didn't look too good, he was mad or something... Duo gave a sigh. As usual I didn't get much out of him.  
  
Mad? That's strange. Trowa's is usually never even ill tempered. But you know Trowa, you better back off, and leave him to himself.  
  
Duo gave a simple look. Why should I? I wish he'd just open up more...  
  
Quatre raised an eyebrow.  
  
Why do you always insist on Trowa opening up, and to you of all people?  
  
Duo gave a harmless glare and stood to his feet.  
  
I just... wanted to get to know Trowa a little better, that's all.  
  
Quatre watched Duo's uneasy look.  
  
I can understand what you mean. Even for me it is hard to get him to open up... I guess it's just the way he is.  
  
Well... maybe I can. How could anyone **_not _**resist this face? Duo gave a slightly disturbing face, his cheeks bulging, and Quatre gave a snicker.   
  
Well, come on, you better hurry, Heero said he had some news for us to discuss, and now that I found you, we better hop to it. Quatre turned around and started back towards the dorms.   
  
Duo watched him leave and breathed a sigh of relief. Quatre seemed set to believe that it would be impossible to figure the emerald-eyed boy out. But he thought of Trowa... maybe he was crazy... but his mind was set. He had to pry in.   
  


* * *  
  


Sitting in the lonely, desolate room, Trowa lay his head back. The silence hushed over him like the sounds below water. He felt the cold wall across his face, as the tender coils strapped around his wrist took up his moving vibrations. He leaned his face closer to the window blinds, his breathing steady now as he peered through air. His eyes were unfocused.  
  
Night: terrorless, lost. Blindness came with the dawning of day, no one would listen then, but at night, a person's mind was free. Roaming anywhere, even if one dare not think such thought's in the light of day.   
  
Trowa sat there, wondering if he could ever wander again. Ever have a free mind, only concentrating on the simple things. Like the rise and fall of one's chest, or the rainfall's pitter-patter on the cold sidewalks at night.  
  
Alone, waiting in the great silence, he couldn't help but wonder where he'd end up next time. And as an object of someone's plans, he'd never be allowed an answer, because an object does not ask questions.  
  
His fingers trailed up slowly to the windowsill, caressing its cold ridges, and fingering down to the base where the metal blinds set in place.   
  
/What kind of room has metal blinds?/   
  
Moving his fingers to the drawstring rope, he pulled it down, letting the dark room be fill with the night's light. Letting go of the cord, the blinds stacked into place at the very top of the window, so that the silent boy could stare out over the street.   
  
The street was dark and the only light seen down its pathway was the semi-lit moon, shining in his green eyes. Trowa moved his shaking hand to the cool window's glass, feeling his way across the smooth surface. His eyes were narrowed as he looked into what seemed eternity. Balling his other hand into a fist he jerked it up into the glass-frame letting the sharp pieces pierce through his skin. The shattering, crushing noise barely penetrated his ears, still not overthrowing the louder pounding that was growing stronger within his pained heart.  
  
Glass flew to all sides of the tiny room, and bounced off walls. His seemingly angry eyes, stared down at his bloody fist. Now he could see through the window, the exact copy of feelings his mind was shaped into.  
  


* * *  


  
Loud footsteps echoed from each wall, and endless hallways came into view once more. Trowa stopped for only a moment, to open the crumpled piece of paper in his fingertips. Recognizing the name once again, his sharp eyes scanned each doorway as he proceeded. A loud clanging noise sounded behind him, and he jerked to a stop, jolting his body around to get a better view. A young uniformed boy pushed his head out of a doorway, slammed it shut and then scurried into yet another. Trowa watched curiously for a moment, before returning to his search.  
  
A strange feeling welled up inside him and he stopped dead in his tracks grabbing for his left shoulder. Breathing a bit heavily a trickle of blood escaped from his nose and fell below his feet. There was a loud clatter and a voice behind him, he dared not to recognize, though it brought him to an about-face.   
  
Over here! 076, please accompany that man and bring him this way! the gruff voice shouted to a rather large man dressed in black, who then approached Trowa. He followed completely at his own will and found himself inside that big open white room he remembered from long ago.   
  
Come, come, take a chair, said a man who had called him inside one of the doors of the massive hallway.  
  
Trowa silently sat, beneath the glare of nasty bright lights.  
  
Why did it take you so long? another fierce voice said coming in through another door. After entering, Trowa noticed right away that the man's bright OZ uniform smelled of whisky. The man looked down upon the green-eyed boy with disgust and regret. He turned to his companions.   
  
I still say we should have chosen someone different. He isn't very trustworthy.  
  
He worked out on all the tests, to remind you, Sir, a short man with a mustache said.  
  
the uniformed man said and looked at Trowa again. His eyes focused on something.   
  
What is this? he directed, raising Trowa's arm.  
  
Trowa didn't jerk his bandaged hand back.  
  
An accident, Sir, he said his voice neutral, even though the pounding in his mind grew louder by the second.  
  
I see. What happened?  
  
I stumbled down some stairs and a woman carrying heavy dishes crashed into me, Sir, and I cut my hand, he made up professionally, his expression so neutral it was impossible to read.  
  
The uniformed man nodded and left the room. Three taller men stepped up to Trowa, their eyes gleaming with stupidity. Striping Trowa down, they strapped him to a hard metal table with wheels. They proceeded to roll him into a smaller room, the ceiling lights brighter than before, making his vision blurry.   
  
Trowa's mind swirled and his eyes began to water. Closing them tight, he breathed in letting his mind run over and over, trying to convince himself.   
  
/It's not gonna hurt, it's not gonna hurt, it's not gonna hurt./


	3. Part Three

**_Title: _****_Crystalline Tears Drop  
Author: Little Trowa-san  
Fandom: Gundam Wing  
Part: 3/2  
Pairings: None stated obviously, but we can always wonder.  
Warnings: Random silliness. Duo remembers a flashback that puts him in a panic. And a bit of OOC Heero.  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Gundam Wing characters, if I did I certainly wouldn't just be wasting my time writing about them. ::pulls Trowa away and locks him in a closet with her::  
  
_**

  
Part Three  


_A week later..._**  
  
D**uo waltzed slowly across the silver floor, his shoes, tapping slightly on its surface. His face was a solemn white as he danced, moving his arms to the sweet cherub like music. He rocked back and forth gently, his hair barely touching the silvery floor. He was just about to twirl once more, when an obscene laughter from the far corner was heard. Duo stopped dancing when he caught site of Heero.   
  
What in hell do you call that jig you were doing just a minute ago?   
  
Duo narrowed his eyes but eased them up a little, watching Heero laugh.   
  
Nothing... I was just messing around. Trying to dance I guess... he paused and stared at Heero, who was now blue in the face in laughter. Duo's tone was so solemn, and he wasn't in the mood for Heero's intrusion.   
  
You were... dancing as if... you... were... drunk, Baka! he said in between bits of laughter. Duo narrowed his eyes again.   
  
Oi, Heero! It surely wasn't all that funny, was it? Heero held his sides trying to contain from from laughing, but it just wasn't working.   
  
As if... you were dancing with air as your partner and... you.... whoops! he laughed and suddenly lost his balance falling to his stomach on the floor, laughing even harder. Duo forced a chuckle at the sight of the Wing pilot on the floor, but he crossed his arms.   
  
Do you need anything?  
  
Heero covered his mouth, and tried to get up.  
  
Need? No... I was just going to tell you we have a new schedule change this week. We move to yet another town. Duo nodded, and heard a knock outside his dorm door. Pulling the door open Heero plainly looked at Quatre, seeming that all the humor had fled his cheeks, at least for the moment.   
  
You should of seen him a minute ago... worst drunken dance I ever seen. Heero chuckled calmly and left the room. Quatre watched Heero leave and then turned to look at a rather annoyed Duo. He raised a brow.  
  
Duo? What was that about?  
  
Duo sighed and plopped himself down on his bunk bed.  
  
I was attempting to dance... I don't know why... I just got this spontaneous urge... against all things that have been happening. I popped in some corny music and my legs just kicked in. I don't think I've seen Heero laugh harder. Duo sighed again, pulling his arms over his head while he leaned the rest of his weight on the bed.  
  
Quatre smiled.  
  
Dance? Well I can show you how to do it properly! And before Duo could even open his mouth to protest he was yanked up by the eager blonde. Here, let me take your arm... and I can wrap your other arm around my waist, like this, Quatre instructed, showing Duo. Duo did it easily and before he knew it Quatre was leading him through the steps of a graceful waltz. Duo was actually spinning Quatre across the marble floor, and twirling him back into his arms. But when Quatre was face to face with Duo, he saw something so unusual he pulled away.   
  
Duo's eyes were so sad. Quatre lifted Duo's chin, while the Shinigami pilot had been staring at his stocking feet.  
  
Duo, what's the matter?  
  
Duo shrugged, and tried to push it off like any old thing that encircled his mind.  
  
No, really, Duo. You never act like this! For the past week you've been nothing but quiet, nothing but soundless and solemn. What's-  
  
What else could be wrong!? Duo interrupted, his voice soaring higher than it had for days. This weeks been nothing but hell... people from all sides of me threatening my life, and me stumbling around like an idiot the whole time. I mumble one of my obscene thoughts out loud during class and then find Heero cackling at anything and everything I do and say! My whole life's a trip... and everything leads up to this week...  
  
Quatre watched the way Duo talked, and his face stayed stern.  
  
That's not it is it? That happens every week, doesn't it? What's really bugging at you? he said concerned and gentle.  
  
Duo's face shrank away and he sat back to the bunk beside him. /How can he read through me like that?/  
  
Duo finally responded.  
  
Quatre nodded.  
  
I knew it.  
  
Duo looked at him defensively.  
  
  
  
Ever since that morning in the park. I knew you must be thinking of him all this time!  
  
Duo looked a bit unnerved at Quatre's present discoveries, especially the tone of voice the blonde was giving him. Duo swallowed a lump in his throat.  
  
Well who wouldn't?! He's been missing for over a week! I guess I'm just... worried about him and even more... curious. The night I saw him, there was something wrong, Quatre. He... Duo eyed his friend, He started yelling at me even... you know that isn't like Trowa. He never gets angry like he was. He told me to get lost, and he wouldn't tell me what was wrong, and there was definitely something wrong, Duo babbled.  
  
That certainly isn't Trowa. But its not like Trowa hasn't ever been gone for a full week without telling us where he's going. Quatre sighed. I think maybe you are just... getting worked up Duo. There's nothing to worry about, I'm sure he'll show up sooner or later.  
  
But what if he doesn't? What if he's in big trouble, and can't reach us? I mean... I wouldn't be as worried if he hadn't acted the way he did last time I saw him. When I found him he was coughing up blood!  
  
Quatre's eyes grew wide.  
  
Oh, God! No wonder you're so worried...  
  
Duo nodded, his stomach churning at the sight he remembered once again. In no means had blood ever bothered him before, but when he saw it like this, coming from Trowa, he felt sick to his stomach.   
  
Quatre thought for a moment.  
  
I don't really know where he could be by now... but the best thing we could do would be to wait, you know what I mean? he placed his hand on Duo's shoulder comfortably, and turned to the door. Duo nodded staring down below him.   
  
Quatre forced a smile. He knew it wasn't like Duo to worry so much, at least so obviously, and about Trowa, but he, himself was outright worried. Trowa hadn't talked to him since he last saw him. Trowa had said he just didn't feel like talking, and as much as that had hurt Quatre, he brushed it aside, thinking he should just stay quiet and respect his friends feelings, but soon after, Trowa had gone off, with no trace as of where, or why...  
Quatre shook his head. Trowa would make it, he had too.   
  
  
  
Duo slowly brought his head up, thoughts flying through his mind unsteadily. Wufei and I made some dinner, so if you want to join us... we're just around the corner! He smiled. Duo nodded slowly.   
  
I'll be there soon. And with that Quatre closed the door and left Duo to the complete silence of his room. He hung his head, his face looking solemn, and then he sat up, his eyes full of confusion.  
  
What's the matter with me?! Why am I worrying' about Trowa like this? He's probably fine, he can take care of himself... I've never really worried about him before anyhow... he'll probably be back soon... I need to ease off, Duo said talking to himself as usual.   
  
He plopped on his back on the bed, and sighed, breathing out heavily. Then he bolted up again. I'm bored... I might as well listen to some music... mymusic, that fancy stuff was just a little too depressing, and with that he pulled out of a drawer, on a small table side thing, a CD, and he popped it in his player, and stuck headphones on his head. He laid back on the bed, and listened the the music, as it blasted his ears out, but the longer he lay there the quieter the music got.   
  
Finally, frustrated he threw the headphones off and let them bounce to the floor. He shook his head, his eyes growing with rage.   
  
Trowa, Trowa, Trowa, is that all I can think about!?! I'm crazy... I have to get out of here, I have to stop thinking about... him I can't believe this.... Duo said and stood to his feet, pulling on a short sleeved brown shirt, and grabbing a light coat, that was laying in the corner of the room. Walking into the main kitchen' type room, he passed right by Heero, Wufei, and Quatre, who was wearing a blue apron.   
  
Where do you think _your _going? Heero snapped and Duo shook his head, throwing the coat over his shoulder.  
  
I don't know, for a walk. Don't worry, just eat whatever, I can always grab a bite to eat somewhere else, With that he opened the exit door and disappeared.   
  
What the- Duo! Get back here! Heero glared ahead of him and dropped his meal. I'm gonna kill him, what does he think he's doing?  
  
But before Heero started after him, Wufei grabbed his arm, immediately regretting it. Heero demanded rather than asked.  
  
Wufei's face paled a few shades.  
  
I just... d-don't think that you should go after him... Heero's glare stayed constant.   
  
That's what I thought you'd say. Well tough, I'm going after... Duo can't just leave like that.... but this time Quatre reached out an arm to stop Heero, who's face was considerably looking red in rage by now.   
  
Heero, just this once... let Duo leave your sight... he's really distressed, I think it'd be for the best, he gave on his best innocent smile, that he knew even sometimes melted Heero to at least contain his outrages to a low bubble. Heero jerked his arm back and grabbed the omelet on his plate, sitting down at a far chair in the corner of the room, and said nothing.  
  


***  


  
Duo had finally stopped running through the area, and now was taking a slow jog through the overcrowded park trails and pathways. He had long needed to get out of the steam from the many dorms that he and his friends were crammed into. He was tired of sitting around either trying to ignore something that would happen, or was already happening. He couldn't really take it anymore. Even if he couldn't do anything. But why this so suddenly? His mind always wandered to the same point, each time over and over he replayed the scene in his head, but he couldn't get it out, not at all. He didn't know why he dwelled on it so much, but every time he tried to just lay back and think, it replayed itself in his mind.  
  
[[ _The loud hiss of running water started and Duo hurried, kicking off one shoe and then another. He scrambled fast to get his dirty socks off.   
  
K'so! Don't tell me Heero's beat me to the shower again! This'll be the third time in a row!' he grumbled, nearly wrenching his hair out of its sloppy braid.   
  
My hair's dying for a wash!' Duo finally stood, stark naked and barging into the bathroom, instantly being filled with steam rushing heat, floating over his face and hair, damping his body.   
  
The water... was... extremely hot, he figured, as small water droplets of moisture appeared on his skin, almost instantly. Duo rushed to the shower curtain, and in his rush, he hadn't noticed the red trickling down over the bathtub side.   
  
Ahhiii!' Duo said, throwing back the curtain for a moment, realizing it wasn't Heero that had hogged his wash. Slowly Duo pulled the curtain open again. Fear gripped his throat as he stared on at a fallen Trowa, massed in blood at the bottom of the tub. Duo's face paled and he began to panic.  
  
Trowa-san!!?? Shit! What's happened?' He found himself clambering over the edge, to prop the half unconscious boy up. Once Trowa regained his vision, he caught sight of the American pilot in front of him. Trowa pulled back the curtain embarrassed, but Duo gave a nervous frown and yanked it back open.  
  
Duo...do you mind I-'  
  
What the hell did you do!? What happened to you? Your bleeding everywhere and...'   
  
Trowa's nervous look glanced split secondly at a sharp, and stained razor laying on the bottom of the tub. Duo's eyes shot out at Trowa.  
  
What did you... you do?' he said again. Trowa said nothing pulling his hands behind his bare back. Duo, almost standing in the shower with Trowa, yanked them forward, not surprised to see deep gashed across his wrists, blood straining from them. Duo gasped back, against almost knowing what he would see, not that he wanted to see it. Trowa jerked back his body, a little too fast, hitting the back wall of the shower. Blood spread slowly across the wall, and Duo's eyes widened, grabbing a hold of Trowa's arm, pulling him to his face. Duo's body was stained with blood as he touched him.  
  
Trowa... Trowa... speak to me... what's wrong? Why did you do this?' Duo said dramatically and Trowa gasped looking down.  
  
Duo... promise me... you won't tell them...' his voice was so unnatural, it scared Duo, but he didn't let go of Trowa's arm.   
  
Tell who? Who!?' Duo shouted and Trowa gulped in a bloody air.  
  
The rest of the guys. Please don't tell them...' he said, his voice nearly a whisper. Duo nodded, slowly, still not quite understanding and shut the scolding water off, which he had finally began to notice, plummeting onto his back.   
  
Duo led Trowa into his room, pulled a pair of boxers on, as he did so. Just a while before, he hadn't even noticed his sheer appearance to Trowa, he just went on as if he was presentable. Trowa didn't jerk away or argue, that night, as Duo did up tight bandages around his lacerated wrists. When he finally finished fixing up Trowa, he spotted a strange scar like slit wound around his lower thigh. Trowa had been so silent then, it was a wonder that Duo didn't use this as a time to babble on, but Duo, for one of the first times in his life, was just as speechless.   
  
Too many thoughts wound them self around in his brain for them to come to his mouth. And he was almost afraid to speak any of them, just because of the eerie mood Trowa was giving off.   
  
What's that?' Duo said pointing and touching momentarily the scar like abrasion across Trowa's bare thigh. Trowa looked down and then up to Duo his eyes showing fear.   
  
I... its... nothing... just... a cut, from long ago... ' Duo screwed up his nose, highly doubting the strange texture of the scar.  
  
I'm not too sure about that. It seems too circular to be an accident... it isn't a burn is it?' Duo looked at Trowa's thigh, seeing the scar wind all around his leg.   
  
Trowa's eyes turned on to Duo, pleading with him.  
  
Duo, please don't breath a word... please... promise me...'  
  
Duo took in a slow breath, his eyes darting from Trowa's eyes to his bare sheen body.   
  
I promise.' _]]  
  
Duo's hand slowly trailed back to his face. He blinked his eyes rapidly, seeing that he was now sitting on a damp iron bench in the middle of the park. He shook his head, his reoccurring remembrances were potentially dangerous, he could barely decipher that he had walked to this bench. Upon better inspection, Duo found the bench rather familiar, but he couldn't quite place it. His mouth ran dry, when he spotted the medium amount of dry and caked blood on the side of the bench and the sidewalk below it.   
  
~Trowa...~   
  
His mind immediately wandered. This was the very place, a few nights ago, when he saw him struggling. Biting his lip, Duo found it impossible to think of anything but that pilot. He stared at his folded hands below him.   
  
~Trowa... only a few weeks ago... that incident that won't leave my mind. I'm a crazy baka... I know Trowa's hurting...something's going on that I dare not ask, dare not venture into..yet..I am so curious, as always. Ever since I found him in that shower... and ever since I helped him... I have been wondering them from the start... but something about that day, about that look he gave me kept my lips locked tight. So tight... that if I opened them... I'd be afraid to hear what answer might be shown to me... if he'd show me.~   
  
Duo shook his head. He knew he was always crazy, but his non-stop thoughts of his green-eyed friend were getting out of hand. Soon he'd have more missions, and thoughts like this would get in the way, and ruin his concentration. Duo found himself mumbling to himself as he leaned back on the bench, more comfortably.   
  
Maxwell? Is that you? God, don't tell me... came a recognizable and annoyed voice somewhere behind the braided pilot. Duo didn't respond, deep in his own mind, and wrapped his arms out and underneath his head, in a sort of cradling position. A dark, lean shadow, towered over Duo's form, and a pair of angry onyx eyes stared down deftly at him.   
  
Duo jumped back in surprise and horror.   
  
Wu!!! Shit, don't scare me like that! Wufei glared down tapping his foot.  
  
What do you mean, don't scare you?! Have you even been paying attention to what time it is? Its late! And they are just about to lock the doors, he paused glancing up at the 4th floor, of a building not too far off, where they resided, again, mind it you baka! Duo found himself being dragged to his feet, but he pulled himself away from the Chinese pilot's grasp.   
  
Let go of my you twirp! I'm trying to relax out here, before another day of school starts. Haven't you been able to tell? I'm getting restless with this laid back style. I want some action. When's the next mission gonna be?  
Wufei brushed his hand back against his plastered hair and gave a drawn out sigh.   
  
Your starting to sound like Heero, now come inside. You know we're tired of you sleeping out here like this, all the time... Wufei continued to cross his arms. Duo leapt up, grabbing Wufei around the waist and hugged him strangely.   
  
Aww, Wufei...I didn't know you cared!!! He squealed, squeezing Wufei's stomach.   
  
Wufei gave a look of disgust and pried Duo off of him.  
  
Stop it Maxwell...and I didn't say it was just me who wanted you in, its mainly Quatre, and Heero, even if he won't say it.  
  
Aw, but you gotta admit you were a part of all this plot, you came after me, did you not?   
  
Wufei ignored his question and started walking back to their rooms.   
  
Why did you wander out here anyway? Quatre said you've been worried about Trowa, I'm sure he's fine, the dark haired boy said, glaring as Duo barely followed.   
  
Trowa? Yeah... he became silent for a while, his expression changing to a light look. I guess I'm a little worried about him... he's been gone for a while... didn't even tell us he had a mission, though I expect that's where he is... I guess its stupid to worry, its only been a week...without contact... and...  
  
Wufei rolled his eyes, interrupting.  
  
Don't break a blood vessel, Maxwell! Trowa-kun's fine, I know it! with that he opened the main, and still unlocked door of the school and disappeared inside. Duo found himself glancing to the stars before he entered in for the night.  
  
Its almost as if I should count the starts for you Trowa... I find myself thinking of you more, day after day... your a part of my life now... I'm involved, you can't push me out... Suddenly Duo felt a warm arm clasp around his shoulder and he was roughly jerked inside.  
11/21/99**  
**


	4. Part Four

**_Title: _****_Crystalline Tears Drop  
Author: Little Trowa-san  
Fandom: Gundam Wing  
Part: 4/1  
Pairings: A little hinting towards Duo and Trowa shounen-ai as well as Heero and Duo yaoi.  
Warnings: This part is DEFINITLEY PG-13. Duo has a bloody and important flashback and Heero joins him in the steam.  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Gundam Wing characters, if I did I certainly wouldn't just be wasting my time writing about them. ::pulls Trowa away and locks him in a closet with her::  
_**

  
Part Four  
  


**D**uo rubbed his shoulder glaring past him, and down the hall where a dark pony tail disappeared. Opening the creaky door he entered in his cold room, walking straight past a busy typing Heero. He thought about saying something to him, but decided against it and pushed open a nearly empty closet full of strewn and scattered clothes all over the floor surrounding it.   
  
He picked up a large blue T-shirt and shrugged tossing it over his shoulder, and then grabbed a pair of black boxers. Whistling a smooth tune Duo continued to the shower, not as much as even giving Heero a second glance. The eerie taping noises finally ceased behind the bathroom door, and Duo sighed being forced to face himself in the mirror. He faked a cheerie smile, then frowned at this pitiful excuse, and continued to pull his full knit sweater off, roughly, and over his head. Once again he was there to face himself in reflection and his ruffled braid knotted up in ruffled curls. His reflection seemed to laugh back at him, mock him, and Duo turned away, crossing his arms.   
  
~Why are you thinking about him? He doesn't care? He has his own life to tend to. What is your problem, boy?_~ _   
  
It seemed to say and Duo furrowed his brow, trying to ignore it and turned away, and looked at the musky shower cell.  
  
When was the last time Heero took a shower? Duo paused to himself and sighed slipping his black slacks off, and piling them on top of the tossed sweater. Starting the hot water, he let it heat, and moisture fill through the small room. Leaning his back nakedly, against the wall, he closed his eyes for a moment. The heat rose up in the room, heating the walls, the mirror, and his own face. He chuckled to himself.   
  
~So ridiculous... you fool... Trowa-san's fine. He's away from me isn't he? There's no good reason I should waste anytime thinking...worrying for him...~   
Duo opened his eyes, and threw back the shower curtain, his heart beat wildly.   
  
he paused to himself, wiping his fists in his eyes. I'm going crazy...he's not here... he's fine...but the blood...I... Duo took a few deep breaths steadying himself by the shower, and then slowly stepped in, closing his eyes tight as he let the hot water pour over his tired and aching body.   
  
After about fourty-five minutes, Duo, started to let the strands of his auburn hair flow down his sides, and his back, and started to run the slick soap through it. Concentrating on the cleaning, and not on his thoughts, he didn't feel the slender body slip in beside him. Scrubbing at the last bit of his hair, he let his head trail under the strongest water current, and the soap started to flow out below him. A sudden feel of arms slipped underneath Duo's waist, and he jumped in surprise, soap running in his eyes.  
  
he cried, desperately trying to pull from his grasp and get the soap out of his eyes.  
  
Duo, I'm sorry, I thought you heard me coming... he mumbled and pulled himself closer towards Duo's body, running his fingers across Duo's chest, and to his back. Duo squirmed from Heero's touch, and he could barely feel himself be slammed into the shower wall, Heero's sweet mouth pressing up against his own. He couldn't protest the soft tongue that then entered his own mouth, and he leaned into it, and leaned into Heero.   
  
~Does he know of my thoughts... that I think of Trowa..~_   
  
_Duo briefly thought, his mind filling up with the passion Heero started to etch into his body. Then suddenly, quicker than the shortened breath that Duo could not get to come out, Heero was below him, touching him, caressing him, and kissing him over the place he would keep close, and Duo's breath came out loud and short, and he suddenly remembered he was in the shower, the hot water still pouring over their bodies, and Duo's eyes filtered a strange pain, and he leaned over, his chest heaving and coughed hysterically. Heero stopped his soothing and looked up at him, and then down below him in a terror.   
  
Duo...your bleeding... he said, his face in shock, and once Duo could regain himself, and opened his eyes, he saw it too.   
  
The free flowing blood traced over almost every edge of the bathtub, and flowed through his toes, and past Heero's chest. There was so much of it, that Duo lost his balance, falling down to his knees, and being embraced by Heero's strong arms. He reached up then, still in a shock, touching his nose, and pulled his fingers away, covered in dark blood.


	5. Part 5: No Name and The Stranger

**_Title: _****_Crystalline Tears Drop  
Author: Little Trowa-san  
Fandom: Gundam Wing  
Part: 5/0  
Pairings: None specifically, some hinted towards ^_^;  
Warnings: The first section of this part is probably rated PG, no more, no less. Trowa meets up with an old enemy. The second section is some Duo angst. The third section follows Trowa and the stranger's progression.  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Gundam Wing characters, if I did I certainly wouldn't just be wasting my time writing about them. ::pulls Trowa away and locks him in a closet with her::  
_Author's Note: **For those who have read this far: I wrote these parts several years ago and they do need lots of re-editing, especially in the grammar area and the way I set it up. I wanted to get it quickly online though, before I lost the entire fic altogether. Trowa has always been my favorite character. Anyway... this part was co-written with whizbang who can be reached at whizbang@nastygoblin.com just in case you want to email her for her wonderful roll as Zechs Merquise. With her permission she let me post her part of the fic. This part and the next two were co-written with her help and much editing on my part.  


**  
Part Five  
  
**  


  
Trowa trudged his feet through the heavy and new fallen snow. His hands were hidden deep within the depths of his pockets, and his sullen eyes on his feet below him. It had been a hard day, especially since he didn't remember the last weeks behind all of it. Everything seemed to lead up to this day; this time that he walked through and alongside with. Everything was confusing, and not understandable, and as he walked his mind spoke to him, putting all the false answers and wrong questions deep into him, making his whole point of existence more frustrating than before.   
  
After several visits to places he had no control over remembering, he returned each time to that small apartment, in the bedroom with the now cold and shattered window, that his fist had done damage to before. He didn't know what it meant, but as the days went on he remembered little by little, because it certainly wasn't just a small lapse that he was going through.   
  
The crowded streets of the city he was wandering in were dirty, smelly, and never silent. He could hear all kinds of conversations placing themselves about him, and as he walked, he tuned out all those sounds, and kept in mind the only sound apparent. That was the pounding that faintly had started in the back of his head. He ignored it at first, but then the sound grew louder and louder and louder. Soon he realized, the faster he walked upon the streets, the louder the sound in his head grew. So he stopped walking. Yet, the sound just faded away slowly, as if he were slowly walking to a stop, instead of immediately stopping.   
  
Looking ahead a certain man's long gray coat tails caught his eyes. Whether it was the fact that Trowa was confused, or the fact that there was something shiny on the end of that coat that caught his attention, Trowa kept his eyes on it, and started slowly walking again. This time when he walked, the pounding grew louder with every step nearing the coat tail. When curiosity was at its unnatural peak in his body, he continued on until he had a good sight of the actual man behind the coat. He could only tell that he had a lanky and tall complexion, and walked a fast pace, but still he looked easily comfortable and causal about his surroundings.   
  
Carefully then, Trowa stopped walking. He watched that as the distance between him and the gray coated man lengthened, the pounding inside him grew softer. Feeling an instinct to stop the man, whoever he was, Trowa started up again. What was it that drove him to these pitiful thoughts that the man ahead was the mere cause of the strange sounds he heard? Relying on instinct only, Trowa caught up and casually, ignoring the sharp noises he swerved past the man purposely bumping him out of his step, and tripping him slightly, and rudely disrupted him, and dropped his own face to mutter a small and barely audible,   
  
The man raised a brow, a little miffed and curious about the rude push. The brisk air was cold on Trowa's face, and he pretended that he didn't even notice hitting the stranger, and continued on, his hair covering half of his solemn face. The stranger looked back at him and then lent a strong voice.  
  
"Pardon me," he said under his breath. He tugs his own collar up to better hide his platinum hair.   
  
~Now _that_ is someone who is trying their best to be inconspicuous. I wonder...~   
  
The man shakes his head and the barest of smiles touches his lips. Regretfully, he sees his plans for a relaxing evening disappear. Thrusting his gloved hands deeply in his pockets, he turns and heads down the street in the direction the stranger disappeared.  
  
Trowa does not notice that he is being followed by the stranger, but he proceeds with caution so he is not noticed by any other on comers. Walking a little faster, a feeling of being pursued comes over him. The cold air sweeps over his bangs, covering his vision from an oncoming car. Trying to jump out of the way, he is forced to push over a table of clothes being sold outside. The man behind him starts to yell and he walks a little faster, more miserable than from before.   
  
~Who was that man...?~   
  
The stranger calls after Trowa, "Hey, hold on a minute!   
  
A feeling of utter panic, surges through Trowa's mind as he hears the voice, and he continues on, aware and faster through a growing crowd of people, darting in and out and around them in his flexibility. Soon a bus stops ahead of him and he rushes onward, leaving the stranger trapped behind the stopping bus. Breathless, Trowa darts down an alleyway and up the ancient stairs of a fire escape. Climbing to the roof, he prays he's lost him.   
  
~Why is he following me?~  
  
Far behind him, the blonde man pounds both fists on the side of the bus as it rushes past. He had feared the stranger would bolt like this. He quickly scans in all directions but catches no sight of the man. As a last measure, he tries calling again.   
  
"Hey, what did you run for? I just wanted to return this. You dropped it when you bumped into me." He holds up a scrap of red paper gazing up towards a guess of where he could have disappeared.  
  
As Trowa leaned on the rails of the fire escape he saw the bus pass and stared down at the man in pursue of him. He was afraid that this was what it would come to, but he needed the slip of paper. If he read it, even if he didn't understand...he'd be in more than deep trouble. He took breath, burying his face in the sides of his coat, and dropped down the stairs and back over to the man. He kept his eye level low and stuck out his hand.   
  
"Thank you for the paper," he said trying to bolt off in the same breath.  
  
Leaving so fast? the stranger said, a small hint of curiosity in his deep voice. Trowa looked up at him blankly. With bright green eyes revealed through a heavy coat, he took the paper, slowly his hand extending back into the warmth of his long coat; his bandaged hand. He stared at the taller of the two for a while before letting out a low tone of voice.   
  
"You don't even know who I am do you?"  
  
"Iie. Should I?"   
  
~The question is, do you know who I am?~   
  
He moves closer, peering down into the green eyes. "I'm sure I would have remembered if we'd ever been introduced. ~I would not have forgotten those eyes.~ I suppose you'll say next that the business of a stranger is no business of mine. And to that I might add that the stranger should not spurn assistance without thinking. For I can see that some problem is troubling you, just as I have seen that dead expression you wear on my own face sometimes." The blonde man stands back now and crosses his arms, regarding Trowa carefully. Trowa recalled all this in slowly, ever deep eyes pondering what the taller had said.  
  
"Yes, I am almost sure I know who you are... or at least have an idea. And your correct, since you may not know me... you have no right to assume things like this," his eyes studied the long face. "I'm always being troubled, its nothing new to my existence. I can't go further on in my life without trouble. Why, just a few minutes ago I almost got run over by a bus, maybe it would have been better if I had... with every breaking minute my life advances towards a worse fate," he said slowly, wondering if he should have even proceeded back to get the piece of paper in the first place.  
  
"Then I am sorry to have added to your troubles. But I am also sorry to hear that anyone would attribute their life so little worth. Do you truly believe in a fate so terrible that man cannot hope to overcome it?" Softly, he adds, "For if you do, you rob me of hope. My 'fate' is certainly far worse than yours could ever be."   
  
~Ah, what a lovely evening this has turned out to be. I shall surely lie awake in bed for a long time tonight pondering the greater dangers of my existence, fate and chance.~ He looks at Trowa once more. ~Have you any idea how much your words have troubled me?~   
  
Trowa's green eyes think for a moment.   
  
"There is never a moment when I have wished to overcome my fates, but as much as I have wanted to change my course in life, nothing ever stops continually going uphill. I'm sure your life could very well be worse off than mine, and I'm sorry... if I meant to have put that in a way to imply that it didn't. I have no right to assume against you, because I am not sure I know you properly yet," the thought struck him lightly, at the blonde haired, blue eyed man. "Will you spare me a name?"  
  
"My name..." He pauses, as if thinking. "My true name is Milliard Peacecraft, but that is a name I have not used for a long time." He adds softly, "And no one really knows me." ~I don't even know myself who I am anymore.~   
  
~Zechs...~ Trowa's mind wanders. ~I should have known...~   
  
"Ah, Milliard? Peacecraft.." He nodded not saying anything further, and also hoping to avoid bringing up his name.   
  
He glanced at the red slip of paper, seeing everything in tact, and stuffed it back in his pocket quickly, his eyes darting out past Zechs and towards a figure walking closer towards them. His eyes showed panic, but the rest of his features were calm as he slowly brought eye contact to him.   
  
Zechs tenses imperceptibly, but doesn't look. He reaches to take the green eyed boy by the elbow, and his other hand strays to his holster. Sensing that Trowa will understand, he speaks to him with his eyes, saying 'Go on. I'll handle this.' And, releasing his arm, Zechs turns to face the newcomer. The man approaching them, is barely paying attention, but before Zechs had turned around, he caught eye of Trowa beside him.   
  
His hair was dark and slicked back in a manner beneath his coat, and he smiled with dark eyes to the two, as he came closer. Trowa's actions grew tenser, and he jerked back away from Zechs hiding prompt as if he could hide his own way. The man passed him with a nod of the head and a simple word greeting.  
  
"Good day gentlemen, " he said as if he were watching them for some time now, or at least one of them. And with that he walked on. Trowa let out a sigh of relief inside, even though his heart beat a bit faster, with the oncoming next moves he would experience.   
  
~I should not be bumbling around the street in broad daylight like this...~   
  
Zechs doesn't take his eyes off the man until he rounds the corner. Gripping Trowa by his upper arm, he moves toward the brick wall of a store, careful to keep himself as a shield between the two.   
  
"Someone you know? I... Look, if you don't want my help just say so, and I'll leave you alone. And don't ask why I would want to become involved either, because I don't know." ~At the risk of sounding cliche I could say that something about you reminds me of myself. ~   
  
Then he let go of Trowa's arm. Trowa wondered what he should debate.   
  
"I don't know that man," he said trying his best at lying. "Although, I don't think you have to leave, I understand your point to help me, even though... I only half understand that. Your a very demanding man, am I right?" he gave a vacant look to the taller.   
  
"Well," he eyes Trowa suspiciously, a thread of anger creeping into his voice. "He certainly seems to know you. If you want my help, you can begin by being truthful. And perhaps briefing me on your situation. And a name would be useful. Any name will do, it doesn't necessarily need to be your real one." ~Demanding, huh? I suppose I can be rather intimidating at times. ~   
  
Something about the vacant look on the boy's face tugs at the corner of Zechs' mind. He raises his left hand slightly, hesitates, then lets it drop back to his side. "I apologize. I should not have spoken to you like that..." He kicks himself mentally. Turning his back to Trowa, he makes as if to leave.  
  
"C'mon. I know a quiet cafe around the corner. If nothing else, I can buy you a cup of coffee." Trowa eyes him strangely for a moment, and decides to follow, although his instincts shout no' to him.   
  
~Why is this man taking me out for coffee? Is he watching me too... like the others? Well I might as well let him have his fun. Its all the better to cooperate. ~   
  
Well? What is your name, boy? Zechs asked as if giving an order. Trowa searched his memory for a name that he knew himself by for years.   
  
"I'm No Name," he said quietly, his pace, purposely slower than Zechs'. "And I have no situation, I just didn't want this note to be found or read, if under the wrong hands, even it could cause a rather large riot. And it doesn't matter, if I am truthful or not, your just someone on the street? Am I right?" he stared down at the sidewalk, his head pounding inside him. At least he could get along with the pounding as if it were a basic part of his body, now. Once he was near this man, it was a lot softer.   
  
"And Coffee...would be nice," he said and his eyes widening as though he were accepting, and looking forward to their coffee time. Instead, Trowa wondered deeply about where he was supposed to be for the next half hour. But he decided to let the thought pass on through him for the moment being. He definitely had to concentrate on how Zechs would react to all he did and said. Not that he would say too much, or at least he hoped not. He hadn't been himself lately and it was getting harder to keep quiet.  
  
Walking along the busy street, Zechs leads him too a small, and fairly quiet sidewalk Cafe. A little nerve-racked and confused, Trowa found himself sitting in a cold chair, at a petite table near Zechs. Zechs sits down with a great ease, and positions himself carefully, the whole while his eyes on the green-eyed man. Trowa sits down on the edge of his seat, most of his head still concealed inside his long trench coat. After several minutes of silence, Zechs starts with the small talk.  
  
What were you doing this morning? On an errand? he asks quietly, and Trowa leans his head up carefully, only one glimmering eye showing.   
  
Not exactly, he simply says, and runs his fingers along the sewn edge in his heavy coat pocket. Zechs looks at him for a moment longer, not knowing exactly what to say, or how to make the young man talk.   
  
What would you like to get?   
  
Trowa paused for only a second.  
  
I'll have a black coffee. A waitress came by only moments later, and smiled at the two, asking what they wanted. Zechs responded with Trowa's choice, and a coffee with cream and sugar, and milk on the side.   
  
Like to take it rich, I see, Trowa commented, and pulled his fingers out to tap on the table, a bit nervously. Zechs watched him for a moment, saying nothing until the waitress returned and he started to stir in his needed elements, and looked up at him.  
  
Who was that man following you? I assume he _was _following you. Trowa raised a brow slowly.   
  
Didn't I already tell you that I didn't know him? Trowa said, stirring his black coffee carefully, with a spoon, as if there was a purpose to doing it. Somehow, Trowa found the small words that the blonde said, drifting past his ears, and he became distracted by the simple arrays and designs the steam from the hot cup made floating about its surface. A loud clanging noise, of Zechs' spoon hitting the sides of the cup as he stirred, brought Trowa out of his reverie. Trowa darted his chin up, meeting Zechs' eerie glance and suddenly stands to his feet.   
  
I better be going, he says shortly, before Zechs' eyes can widen and he stands as well.  
  
You just sat down a moment ago, if I am correct. He said, his expression flat, though he was clearly surprised by Trowa's sudden move. Trowa stood silent, as Zechs looked on and then decidedly, he tried to turn to leave the table. But, something in Trowa's legs keep him standing in the same position, not moving an inch. Contemplating to speak or not, Trowa sits back down.  
  
Not going to drink it? Zechs asked, seeing as five minutes had passed on, and Trowa's coffee still stood untouched.   
  
Zechs looks distinctly surprised as Trowa sits back down, but he didn't bother commenting on the quick return.  
  
"I suppose it is polite to finish this coffee, seeing as you bought if for me?" he raised his chin to meet Zechs' eyes, and gave a simple and silent nod, and raised the cup to his lips, quickly gulping down the hot liquid until the last drop had disappeared. Pondering the strangeness of the look the blonde man had given him, he gathered up some courage inside himself, and pulled out an old photo from his pocket. He slowly handed it to Zechs.   
  
"Is this picture of... any quality or significance to you?" The picture was black and white, of a younger man, in an OZ uniform. He had long braided hair that was twisted out and around his neck. Trowa looked on at Zechs, hoping a little more than regretting the picture that now lay in Zechs' palm.   
  
It's not at all like him to feel so awkward in a situation such as this. The green-eyed stranger seems to have a knack for putting him off-balance. Gravely he accepts the photo, bending his head to examine it and mumbling another apology. ~Perhaps I was mistaken about this boy. ~ There _is_ something about the photo though, a familiarity that teases the back of Zechs' mind. Then he remembers.   
  
"I..." He wets his lips with his tongue, unsure where to begin. "I recognize the regiment insignia. Not one of the units of Specials, so I'm not too familiar with them. But there were rumors." ~No easy way to say this. Just hope it's not bad news. ~ "I may be mistaken, but I think this man is dead." His gaze meets Trowa's and some emotion flickers dimly in his eyes. Flipping the photo over to see there is anything written on the back, he carefully he adds, "I'm not certain, but there is a way I could find out."   
  
Trowa looks at him silently, and then shakes his head.   
  
No, that's quite all right... really... I was just wondering, Trowa said, and he finally sets the coffee cup down.   
  
"Have a care, it's very hot," he cautions too late. "Would you care for another cup? Perhaps a bite to eat? They sell wonderful pastries here." Outwardly Zechs appears calm, but his finger taps out a rapid beat on the side of his mug, betraying unease. ~Now of all times this returns to haunt me. And how did No Name become involved? I wish I knew if the men pursuing him and the photo are connected...~   
  
He takes another sip. "Of course I cannot read minds. I am merely observant, and have counted seven times now you have checked your watch, although as a pilot I know you can keep time just as well in your head. Whatever activity you have planned for the afternoon is clearly causing you distress." He leaves it an open question, refusing to ask outright but driven by curiosity nonetheless. Trowa dropped the stirring straw into his empty, yet still steaming cup. His tongue was already burnt, and rough feeling now. Pressing his tongue across his lips to feel it, he stared intently at Zechs.  
  
"I do feel it is necessary to check my watch every now and then, not for the sake of time...but..." he paused. Yes, he dreaded the two upcoming hours... he didn't know if he could handle even a half an hour of what had to be known as 'today's work'. Gulping down he cut off the sentence.   
"Yes, I'm not really looking forward to what is planned for me, its just I something have to plan for myself," he stared past their table for a moment, catching something out of the  
corner of his eye, but then looked back to Zechs.   
  
"I suppose something to eat would be efficient." Zechs gives a nod, and pulls up the bill on the table corner, before getting up to enter a very nice restaurant just a few blocks from the other Cafe. Trowa barely glanced up while passing by all the customers and people idly chatting quietly among their friends. Casually the thought had crossed his mind several times before.   
  
~Why is he bringing me here? Is he studying me? This is unusual, this is too strange...~   
  
But the blonde man was almost wondering the same thing. Zechs stands, laying a bill on the table that is perhaps twice the amount of their tab, and heads for the door.   
  
"Well, shall we?"  


***  
  


The streets quickly filled up with the splitter splatter of useless rain pouring in excessive amounts from a gray span of sky. The hazelnut braid was strung over the edge of the window sill, the tip of it exposed out of the window, purposely soaking up with rain. His whole body ached with boredom, a thing very common to the braided youth. He had spent his whole day moping around the apartment wanting something to happen. Even if it were horrible. Some bad news perhaps, someone sick, dying, a city burning, being destroyed. He was this bored that he didn't want to laze about. He didn't want anyone to wait on him and he didn't want to talk.   
  
Something itched up inside the pilot's body. Something he had never really realized until it was too late. This itching had been keeping up for weeks now. It persued him the first time they changed missions, Heero was distant and they had to find themselves a new safe house. It followed him when Trowa had been off and on away from the rest of the group. It corned him when he realized it had been a whole month since Trowa's absense and it creeped him out to think that something strange were perhaps happening. And now that Wufei had to desert the rest of the group it pounded in Duo's head like a box nails hitting a glass table.  
  
What was bugging him? He sat uneasily and pounded his mind, searching for the possibilities. The only thing that seemed to jump out at him was an unusual dream. Hm, a dream. Perhaps it was a nightmare. A reoccurance of what he had caught Trowa in action of. Trowa. The boy was long gone. His mind was diverted. Even Heero thought Trowa was off somewhere better. They never really were a team were they?  
  
But even Duo thought Heero and Trowa had been close. Maybe that was just what was bothering him. Heero's strange actions towards Duo's worry. It was as if the Wing Pilot didn't want him to worry about Trowa at all. Perhaps Heero was right.  
  
Worrying wasn't like him. Wasn't like him at all.  
  


***  


  
The diner was deceptively large on the inside, with cheerful neon lights buzzing around the perimeter of the dining room. They were greeted at the door and shown to a booth by a middle-aged man who, judging by the deferential treatment awarded him by the other staff, was probably the owner. Zechs lead them through a series of booths, finally deciding to sit them down at one in the far back, for it was more secluded and comfortable there.   
Trowa sat down slowly, once again careful to only sit on the edge of his seat, still a bit uneasy of this man's company, and his current situation.  
  
A waitress brings tablemats and silverware, inquiring about choice of beverage. Zechs doesn't hesitate to order another coffee. And you? he asks Trowa.  
  
Trowa raises his head slowly and nods. "Just water, thank you," he says slowly and then leans back into the chair, even though he is still on edge.  
  
Quaint little place, isn't it? commented Zechs, and Trowa looked at him silently, a little surprised at hearing this officer say such a word. Another tall waitress made her way back to their table, just as Trowa was finding the casual looks Zechs passed him, a bit unnerving. She smiled especially at Zechs, and handed each of them medium sized menu's that had several tiny steaming coffee cup pictures all over them.   
  
The soups for today are Cream of Broccoli, and Vegetable Beef. I'm sure you'd like to try our special, its only $20.99, with a side of grilled bread. Its a nicely cooked steak, with mixed vegetables, baked potato, and side order of rice--   
  
Zechs finally brushed his hand easily in the air, to interrupt her and she gave him a semi-offended look.  
  
That's all right. We're not ready to order, come back later, he said briefly, the whole time eying the young jade eyed youth across from him. She sighed quietly, as if Trowa or Zechs didn't notice and turned off on her way. Trowa watched Zechs for a moment, before picking up the menu to scan what was inside.   
  
~Strange. Why did he rush that waitress out of here so fast?~ Trowa's eyes scanned the menu, and passed the words with ease... the french toast special, the eggs and ham... but none of it reached him, his mind full of thoughts, most of them of the uncomfortable point of eating with his blonde enemy.   
  
Is there something wrong? Something making you nervous? Zechs' voice seemed to float through the cool air, and Trowa heard it rather late, his feelings were diluted, things weren't coming out clear right now.   
  
Wrong? Certainly, he looked at him calmly. ~Why wouldn't they be? I'm sitting in a cafe eating with you, isn't that an explanation enough Zechs?~  
  
Zechs looks on at him, having more than an idea himself, but hesitating to play his game.   
  
And what could that be?   
  
Trowa is not amused. He feels awkward. He does not want to be in this situation, no more than the cold white rooms he has been visiting and the harsh conditions. There is really no way for him to escape all of it. Maybe Zechs is behind it all. Maybe Zechs sent for him. Or did they send for Zechs to watch him?  
  
Strange it may seem to me, to be sitting in a quiet place like this and talk to someone like you. Or is this just your way of pretending to be unobvious. Certainly, you know what keeps me on edge. For you are the mastermind behind all that happens in war, are you not?  
  
Zechs looks down at his menu, not really reading it at all.   
  
Mastermind of the war? It is unusual that we sit here and talk. But tell me No Name, why is it that you agreed to come and sit with me?  
  
Trowa paused. He agreed fully, no attempts to get away, though he would rather be elsewhere. Or would he? He knew where he would if he hadn't been caught up in this visit. Curiously, he traces his fingers across the menu, studying, with his hands its texture. One hand faces palm up, towards his eyes, and he winces, seeing the scars, the marks of his try in escape, again and again. He is almost humiliated by it. He, as a soldier, can barely hold himself up otherwise.   
  
Zechs realizes his silent answer and stares out across the booth at him. His hands too catch his eyes. The scars. Furrowing a brow, the golden haired man takes a better look across the table.   
  
What happened to your wrists?  
  
Trowa's head jerks up, eyes concentrating. His humility has been given time to shine.  
  
People. People like you. And me. Not them directly. No one would directly do that to me. It would ruin their plans. Why ruin those? Who would they use then? Experiments will be experiments. And if I was gone, they'd have to risk finding another. But it is what those OZ did, that persued to force me to take my own action. Selfish pity, I guess, Trowa said, understanding that Zechs may not comprehend all he said.   
  
Zechs' eyes fall short of the boy, and he looks away, but unnoticeably. His eyes are on his own hands. ~I know OZ is capable of this. They always were. Cruelty lies always.~  
  
Impulsively Zechs reaches up, catching the slender wrist in his gloved hand. He studies the marks, running gentle fingers over them. Finally he looks up, meeting Trowa's gaze regretfully.   
  
"I am sorry. No one I know would condone such treatment even of an enemy. But, Oz is changing. Apparently neither I nor my commanding officer are deemed trustworthy anymore, for I have heard nothing of what is happening." Bitterness and resentment are apparent in his words. He releases Trowa's wrist, feeling more protective of the youth now than before. Briefly he wonders what else the boy has withstood at the hands of OZ.   
  
~Vicious brutes. And given the opportunity they'd turn on you too Milliard, and tear you to shreds.~   
  
"Don't worry about OZ, I am used to it by now, and although you are a part of them, I don't take it against you, especially if it is true that you know nothing of these happenings," he glanced down at his wrists once more, wondering if such a stupid thing for him to do would make the man in front of him care for a Gundam pilot, as if it were possible. Shaking his head subconsiously, he stared down at his own hands shakily and looked expressionless past the elder man.  
  
Zechs' eyes grew interested and he leaned in, only stirring his coffee silently. Worry? I am OZ. I'm a captain. Its not easy to let a conversation about something I am forced to be bound to slip my interests. What has been happening?  
  
Trowa's eyes were hazy and he didn't answer for a moment or two, glad to be shielded by the points of his bangs.  
  
Simply enough, it is your business but I feel somehow that it is not. The thing I wonder is even if your're a captain, if you'd realize half the activities that OZ contains...perhaps it is your department and not mind. He kept it simple avoiding the taller man's gaze.   
  
Zechs hesitates, then decides the risk is worth taking. He really doesn't want to hound the youth, and certainly doesn't wish to drive him to leave. But without information Zechs is flailing blindly in the dark. He gazes at Trowa clearly, and nods a tiny nod before speaking.   
  
"Of course I am concerned about the activities of Oz. What I am about to tell you only a few know, but I think you deserve this explanation. I was but six years old when my kingdom was destroyed and my parents murdered by the Federation. Revenge was the reason I joined Oz, but now that my goal is within reach I find myself faltering..."   
  
He pauses as the waitress sets down their drinks, waiting for her to leave. "Selfishness and personal loyalties have blinded me to the greater workings of Oz. And now I need you to tell me what is going on. Because if you don't, and even if we never meet again after this night, I _will_ learn the truth."  
  
Trowa watches him carefully, as he spells out every word, and in his mind, something faulters showing to him that maybe what's been happening to him has been sectioned off to a certain group of the OZ plans. Such a group to keep it so private that Zechs and many of his friends and others could never know, or discover it. But every plan has its problems, and certainly he'd find out soon. Of what use would it be to him, but nothing. Zechs certainly could not stop it, nor would he ever want to once he knew what it was all about...would he?   
  
Trowa shook his head, staring down at his plain water. "Zechs, there is no need to heed forward in saying you demand what's going on. Its quite simple really, and of no real importance, especially to you," he took in a deep breath and let his cool green eyes set upon the OZ man in front of him.   
  
"But yet, I understand what you have told me...it does no help for you to know, just that me and  
the other pilots are under close studies, as always, and I will always be no matter what circumstances may permit..."he paused eying a walking group of people in isles behind them.   
  
"I will be murdered if I stop and not simply, of course. The only thing that bothers me is what is to be done to my friends, after all, it is to be I, who had put them in there places in the mere future..." he grimaced at his own replayed visions.   
The backstabbing acts, he would have to face up to, in front of his once, companions.   
  
"I have to stay secluded..." he mumbled slowly more to himself, than to Zechs.  
  
The blonde man waited, leaning on his right side, more than his left. The words the young pilot said made him think. A bit more confusing than meaningful. He wasn't sure of all that OZ was up to. To be truthful he didn't even know what they were capable of. He knew, though, that they were constantly trying to pry information out of civilian sources about the Gundams and about the pilots. It was obvious and yet, the way Trowa spoke of it seemed different. It didn't seem like the same old information prying that he'd seen before.   
  
~Experiments...?~  
  
Zechs tried to not give it further thought. He knew that OZ was capable. But of course why pin himself in such a position at hand. Secret experiments, prying of his fellow soldiers. He shook it all away, the actual meaning making him sick. He was sure there would be many times that these so called experiments would take place behind his official back. A new question arised deep in his mind. One that spun and spat at him more than once before.  
  
Without glancing up he stares at Trowa, nonchalant.   
  
"What will you do after this war?" The question surprises even Zechs, for though it was something he'd been giving much thought to of late, he hadn't meant to speak aloud. "I..." He looks up, soft eyes tinged with sadness. "I don't mean to pry, and you needn't answer. But I've been thinking... Practically all my life I've known nothing but war. I try to imagine myself in some role other than soldier, and fail. This is what motivates some to fight. Fear of living in an unfamiliar world, where one might feel a useless relic from bloody age, discarded." He clenches and unclenches a hand, staring at it as he does so. "I understand this, and yet I don't even know my own reasons for fighting anymore." His voice has a slightly cruel and mocking edge to it, aimed at himself.  
  
Trowa eyes Zechs' actions, and carefully watches him before answering. ~Why would he ever ask me this? Ask this of me? Or tell me such things. Why me? He's my enemy... maybe it is all a trick to reel me in, maybe he does know of their plans, and knows they may, or may not be watching, right at this moment. Maybe I should not trust him. Yet... something about this  
man... makes me wonder... wonder if he knows... or is just as naive as he doesn't want to be. ~ Trowa examed Zechs' form in his mind. Trowa's hands play with the menu, thinking, uncontrollably.   
  
"War, is the only thing they'll ever allow us to know. It is simple really. If we know more of the happy things of life, of the things that people not like us know of, then we'll become weak. Ever so weak. Love can pull us down so easily, so its better to keep straight, and ignore all other emotions. Sometimes the best soldier in war, is one that does not know how to love..." he then sighed looking Zechs in his his pure eyes. "But I don't know if this war will ever stop. There's  
always some kind of war going on. If it ever ends, I don't know if I can go on. With a normal life... I'll never have a normal life. And all the things that common people do, are impossible..I'm  
almost afraid of seeing what it would be like to live without war."  
  
His reply is soft, almost too soft to be heard. "I am sorry for you that you feel so." Then, louder. "Love is not a weakness, but a strength. Love is something that can motivate a soldier to fight. Love for a country, love for a person, love for life... A friend taught me that, a very good friend." ~I wonder if there is room in my heart for love anymore, if there every was. ~ He looks up sharply, eyes catching Trowa's. "You are afraid to see this war end."  
  
Trowa meakly raised his head from his menu, clearly uncomforted by this subject in conversation. "I find myself a little afraid yes, about what will happen to me after the war. I'm obviously not afraid to die, and it wouldn't make a difference to me after the war, in that same sense, its just... I don't think I could possibly survive being forced to go on with a normal  
lifestyle. I don't really know how to go about it, and... it would be rather hopeless, and a lost time for me. My lifestyle now..if you could even call it that, is the only thing I've been used to ever, as well as the only thing I can remember. I remember nothing of my childhood." Trowa found himself staring fondly at Zechs bright sapphire eyes. "As far as love goes, on my account, I've never had a chance to grow to love anybody. Emotions, I belive would ruin me. I can't give into them..and..." he sighed and began again, slower and more quietly, "I really don't think I'd ever deserve to be loved." He paused when the waitress walked by again and chewing gum sloppily  
asked their orders.  
  
"I'll have this pastry dish," Trowa said, pointing to the piece on the menu, and handed it to her. She wrote it down at turned to Zechs.   
  
He turns instead to Trowa, amusement glinting barely visible in the depths of his normally icy eyes. "Pancakes. I'll have the pancakes and a side of sausage." He speaks with the manner of one long used to issuing orders, not looking at the waitress, who scribbles down the order as she walks away. "The food they serve us officers is barely better than what the enlisted get." ~Although Treize really knows how to set a decent table.~ "You wouldn't believe what lengths I have to go through to get a good plate of pancakes now and again, when the craving strikes. Sneaking out in the middle of the night, for example."   
  
He takes a gulp from his mug. The sudden easy banter is an odd break from the severe talk of earlier. "I can't even cook them myself. Aside from not having a kitchen in my quarters, I've never cooked anything in my life. So I suppose I would be quite hopeless in the role of civilian." A dry laugh escapes his lips. "What a mess this war is that it creates a breed of human not suited to living a peaceful existance." Expression suddenly turning serious, he focuses on Trowa. "I'm not the best one to talk of love... You say you don't feel deserving of love. I feel the same thing of myself, although not for the reason you'd think. When faced with such troubling emotions... I feel unworthy of accepting something I dare not return in kind."  
  
Trowa nodded, almost amused, at the way he spoke to him, heartily, and fully, as if all that could be said to him, would be said, as if he were a friend. Trowa almost wished it so, but his eyes stayed silent.   
  
"So your saying that your not worthy of loving, because you can not return it in such a way you wish? I've had the few of people tell me they love me, but I never answer them, and try to stray away, because I know how much it can hurt, to stay silent, as well as speak the words that are not true, because I have never loved, and never will." Trowa paused admiring Zechs hands for a moment, that lay, swiftly, across the table, folded in such a manner, that attracted him.   
  
"In war though, I do belive it helps me, and it will help you as well. To be strong, and continuent on harsh matters, will better in the end, because life will never proceed without it, and as younger, unexperinced souls die harshly, we will live, in the pain, and terror, but we will live, and that is the difference of it."   
  
Sighing Trowa found himself gazing at Zechs' slender hands again. "I do belive, at one time, it may end in my life, and I will be forced to try to learn a civil lifestyle... and I don't know how... it will be hard alone, yet, most of my life I have spent alone. I never fear it though, because fear is also a weakness..."  
  
"Then you don't love the colonies, even though you fight for their sake? I certainly don't love OZ, although I do harbor feelings for some of its officers. I love my kingdom, and have fought to avenge the wrong done 13 years ago. I love my sister also, but do not know how to serve her. A true Peacecraft has no need for a soldier with blood-stained hands." He turns his hands over, holding them loosely open to stare at the palms before clenching them into fists. ~You understand me very well, No Name.~ "I do not wish for strength gained by distancing myself emotion. Noin is very strong, much more so than I, because she dearly loves space, and a certain idiot who doesn't deserve her. Treize takes strength from his love of Earth, her beauty and harsh simplicity. I would be strong too, if I had something to fight for, as you Gundam pilots do."  
  
Trowa looked up then, meeting Zechs eyes. "Ah, but you do have something to fight for don't you? Your ways. Your a peacecraft, are you not? Doesn't that mean then, that you are still dignified, even if you kill..fight, and live between our world of fate, desire and hatred? Your in the middle of the battle..and even if you don't have a choice, on where to go, and which to choose, you do so, in a unique and commanding manner... you are quite effective... and..."  
  
Trowa stopped, as the food came and the waitress set it down, and walked off. "I honar you." He finished, his eyes staring straight onto Zechs, and then he proceeded to lift one of Zechs' hands, showing it to the light. "And these stained hands are ones of bravery, honar, and dignity. You've fought your life away, and its not for nothing, but for all the people you love, even if your not doing it for their sake." Trowa sat back in his seat then, looking away, almost feeling as he said too much, and he picked at his pastry, tasting it slowly.  
  
If Zechs is surprised when Trowa catches his gaze, then he is nothing short of stupefied by the time the usually quiet youth finishes speaking. Such an avalanche of words, all spoken with honest heartfelt sincerity and all striking dead on target. And for yet another time this evening Zechs finds himself speechless. He closes his jaw with a snap, belated realising that it was hanging open, and sheepishly draws his hand back to his lap to cradle it close as if injured. ~He honors me?~   
  
Despite all the praise heaped on the Lightning Count by his superiors, subordinates, acquaintances and friends, it was by far the nicest compliment he'd ever received. Especially coming from one Zechs had come to respect greatly, both as a pilot and as a man. He admired all the Gundam pilots, and not the begrudging admiration of an enemy for a worthy adversary. Their courage, dedication and strength are commendable. ~It is I who should honor him.~ And Trowa now sat there toying with his food and acting for all the world like nothing had happened. Zechs finally finds his voice. "Nanashi, you are an amazing person. If OZ had men like yourself, they'd have won this war a long time ago. And if the colonies have more like you, Oz is doomed for certain."  
  
Trowa looks up from his food, silently glancing at Zechs for only a moment, before facing his food once again. "Surely you do not mean that. I am just but another face in a crowd of soldiers. I make no difference. I fight for what I think is right. But I have no morals, no dignity like one of you. If I were OZ, I would have killed all the Gundam piolets by now, and therefore, destroyed my own self. I am nothing more than a simple man sitting in front of you, eating like a fool, when I am in such tremendous trouble as I am now. I am stupid for thinking I could sit here, and have a pointless chat with one of my enemies, yet, I have enjoyed it, Mr. Merquise. Just remember, I'll never be anymore or less, and in your eyes, how can you think that, of what you say?"   
  
Trowa questioned even though he knew Zechs meant every word of it. "I best be going, for I do not want them to know I have spoke with you, and if they wish, at any given time, they could turn into me, and find out." Trowa stands to his feet, brushing the invisible crumbs away from  
his trenchcoat, as if he had even dropped a thing.   
  
"I will tell you one thing though, dear man. And that is that it is OZ that has come onto me. Not a part of OZ you know about, but a part in its own way. People like you of course are not meant to know of it, because surely you'd stop it, or would you?" he gave a silent, yet curious look to the blonde-haired man.   
  
"Maybe we'll meet again like this one day?"  
  
An easy, almost relieved smile as Zechs visibly gathers his dignity around him. ~So unlike you Mirialdo, that outburst.~ At least the rest of the diner has now gone back to eating or whatever, and comforting background noise resumes as well. He'd been unaware of the uncomfortable silence until it had broken. "I'm rather glad you decided to stay, if only for a short while longer.   
  
And as you are my guest here, I insist on paying the tab." Convinced that Trowa was not going to immediately disappear, he sits back down, attempting to wrap his thoughts around the youth's words. ~Power, under my fingertips? How little he knows of me, or of OZ, to think that my actions carry any great weight. Bound by decaying ideals and false notions of honor tighter than any ropes, I am all but helpless.~ A slight frown, and he has not yet looked directly at Trowa since the youth's return.   
  
"But he is correct to say I would not wish harm on him, especially not delivered by own 'comrades'." Unaware that he has taken to musing aloud, his voice carries a heavy and biting tone, laced with bitterness.  
  
Trowa is alarmed at Zechs' silence, and then surprised at his words, talking as though her were not there. "Is that true? You wouldn't let me go to harm? Come now, Zechs, you can't be positive. You are my enemy... ever since the start you have strived on killing me... killing me and the rest... so you could get our technology in your hands... you can not tell me now... that if you brought me in... captured me... strapped me to some sort of table of yours...and preformed senses of torture that you would not be somewhat ammused at all?" Trowa then stood to his feet, a strange, unlike moments ago, look about his face, and his eyes became stoney, and angered.   
  
"Well..your too late... dear _soldier_ because it _has_ happened," he said, his tone becoming harsh and loud. "They _have_ taken me in...done *things* to me and to what effort? They have never left me there... never kept me for long. And how can you certainly lie to my face with all this dignity, and pretend honor, when you have known all along... watched me... be torn to bits by your own men... when you've known all along..and then treat me to a lunch..so stupidly, thinking I did not know..." he pushed some of the silverwear over, and it made a loud clammer to the floor, and he leaned over Zechs, his face ablaze.   
  
"_DON'T THINK FOR A MOMENT THAT I DID NOT KNOW... YOU CAN'T KEEP IT HIDDEN FOR LONG... WHAT YOU ARE DOING! _" Trowa found himself yelling. His pride being torn by rage. The rage by that had been inflicted on to him, by Zechs' men for the past 4 months. His face was sweaty then and he stared back with an uncharacteristic snear.   
  
"So what are you going to do now? Now that I know your little secret, hm? Are you going to take me in this time, yourself? And perform what you've always wanted?"  
  
Zechs remains silent under the weight of the boy's anger, refusing to look him in the eye. Around them, the tirade halts all other sound, and Trowa's harsh words rise up to fill the space. Such an outburst, and so unexpected. Or supposedly it was. When finally the ranting dwindles and the questions come, Zechs smoothly pulls himself to his feet. Clearly the youth has been pushed too far. Had Zechs ever desired to learn just where Trowa's breaking point is, he has now seen it breached. Cool azure eyes fall to regard the other's flushed face.   
  
"Are you quite finished? You're disturbing the other customers." Blindingly fast as his namesake, Zechs strikes out, capturing the youth in a not-so gentle embrace.   
  
Arms are pinned useless, and Zechs drags Trowa's slight form against his own tall strength, pulling the boy's feet out from under him. "I think perhaps it *_would_* be best if you come with me." And a smashing blow to the side of the head robs the gundam pilot of consciousness.  
  
~If we hadn't started a scene before his screaming, we certainly started a scene now.~ Zechs thinks, as he walks down the street trying to look unobtrusive with the body of the smaller man slung casually over his shoulder. ~The owner of the diner was certainly understanding, though the rather large tip I left may have helped.~  
  
A taxi is quickly hailed, Zechs giving the driver the explanation that his friend merely had one too many drinks, and the pair slipped in back. ~Remind me to not come here on regular visits anymore, Millardo.~


End file.
